Blogging makes me uncomfortable

Honestly, it feels a little self-centered to think that people actually want to read stories about our lives. Yea, we have triplets, but so what? Everyone deals with unusual or difficult or exceptional circumstances at some point in their life. Does that mean they should write about it and expect people to care? This whole blogging thing makes me feel a little -- I dunno -- egocentric.

And I AM egocentric, to tell the truth. We are all our own little centers-of-the-universe to one degree or another. That's one of the great struggles of life...to live like we aren't the center, like the world doesn't revolve around us, to prevent ego-interference from blocking our ability to love the folks around us, love the world, live life to the full. My freakin' ego gets in the way all the freakin' time. But that's another post...

So blogging makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it's the attention; maybe it's the fact that our life feels like it's on display; maybe it's the fact that I don't want to be one of those parents who acts like the world revolves around their children, because I know it doesn't. I know that people are born and die every day. People get sick, get healed, get rich, go broke, are hungry, are oppressive, and are oppressed. People experience tragedies and miracles every day. I know that the world is so much bigger than our little party of five -- and I hope that I can teach that to my children.

Maybe the discomfort is what kept me away from the blog for so long. Maybe, in the back of my mind, I thought, "If I stop updating the blog, maybe folks will forget about us." But then maybe it was just laziness or busy-ness. I honestly don't know.

But, in spite of all this whining, here's what I've decided: I'm now viewing this blog as a private journal that just happens to be exposed to the light of day. I'm no longer writing to provide an "update" on our lives. That means I won't necessarily be writing about which baby is walking (Bella), which baby is talking (all three), which baby has diarreah (none, thank God), etc. If you'd like those kind of updates regularly, send me an email or come babysit. Instead, I'll be writing about things I want to remember, good and bad; things that I want to attempt to somehow capture in words. I do a lot of capturing in photos and video, but words seem to build memories in a much more personal and intimate way.

So if you care to continue reading, I'd love to have you along. You can even make comments if you'd like -- the new blog allows for that. We are thankful to have many people who care about us and our family, and I do not want to seem ungrateful. However, please know that I'm no longer writing for you. My audience is the future-me, sitting in the recliner on graduation day, looking through the pictures, choking back the tears, and remembering the journey that began on February 22, 2004. Hmmm...me writing for me...how egocentric.